Transitioning Back to School: 2020 Edition
As we approach back to school and the transition into a new routine, let’s first acknowledge that we have never had a “back to school” like this before. This is a first time - for everyone. As we dive in, perhaps we can consider offering ourselves permission, grace, simplicity, and ease as we embark on this 2020 edition of back to school.
The Facts:
Children have been out of school for 6 months. Heading back to school even after a 2 week holiday break can be tough. Let’s expect and normalize that kids will have feelings about their return (sadness, anger, frustration, grief, excitement, joy, fear). Labelling the facts with children can be helpful in validating their feelings:
“The fact that you may be expected to wear a mask is tough, and that must feel so frustrating. No wonder you feel annoyed. How you feel makes sense.”
Support your child to label additional facts about the transition.
We might know what the school physically looks like, what their strengths are in the classroom, what their favourite lunch is, and what they like to do when you get back home from school. Having conversations with your child about the things they CAN expect amongst change, transition and “new” can offer reassurance and ground them amongst uncertainty.
The Change:
Parts of school will be different this year. Parts.
For example, you may be wearing a face covering and washing hands more frequently. These parts are new and different than last year. Parts will be different, and parts will be the same. What parts create worries? What parts are soothing? What parts spark an anxious feeling? (cue butterflies in stomach!)
TIP : Take a moment with your child to list the parts (write them down, visualize them or verbally express them. We’re tapping into their learning style here) that will be different and the parts that will be the same.
As parents, I invite us all to take a moment to do our own and different type of “parts work”. What ‘part’ of me as an adult and parent feels as though “everything is going to be okay.”
What part of me is thinking, “You’re f’n kidding me, there’s no way this is going to work out!”.
When we experience our different parts it can be helpful to acknowledge that all parts serve a function. To be the Protector (of our children). To be the Manager (organize, schedule and have a plan). To be the Firefighter (problem solver and damage control) etc. So, let’s greet those parts when they show up. Acknowledge them, befriend them and see them simply as parts trying to navigate and function in 2020.
“Name it to Tame It”:
Labelling our worries, describing our anxieties and differentiating between the two can be helpful. Identifying the areas that are soothing or allow us to feel grounded and calm provide direction and evidence for what we need to grow to indulge in as coping strategies.
Oftentimes, naming emotions can tame our emotion, especially for littles. For example, if a child is emotional and behaviourally out of sorts, labelling their emotional experience, “ Are you feeling overwhelmed?” offers them the language and provides meaning and understanding to their internal experiences. Internally, the young brain experiences relief. If the brain could talk in this moment it might say, “ AH, yes, that’s it! I’m overwhelmed! Phew, I thought I was dying!”.
If you’re wondering specifically about childhood anxiety, what it looks like and how to help, check out our former blog post here.
More on the concept of “Name it to Tame it” can be found in Dr. Dan Siegel’s book, ‘The Whole-Brain Child”.
The Voice:
We can equip our kids to cope as best as they can with this transition by humanizing their experiences. Let’s not silence their voices in a time when they may be feeling emotionally and psychologically vulnerable. Let’s have patience as they “melt”. Let’s meet them on the floor to hear about what their first moments, their days and their weeks are like during this important time.
Their voice is their tool. It will allow them to speak up, challenge institutions and systems in place that are inadequate and confront global and systemic issues. Their voice is an essential life skill. A necessity for 2020. Let’s create opportunities for our kids to practice advocacy in their life spaces (school, community, online, home).
As we navigate and transition into the 2020 version of school life, know that this is both yours and your child’s first time doing this. When we lean into self-compassion, and allow the experience of sitting with emotions we inevitably come out on the other end.
This blog post was written by wellbe’s social worker + psychotherapist Lisa Azzopardi.