How to Raise Strong Girls: Thoughts From Your wellbe Team
In honour of International Women’s Day, the team (aka ‘the hive’) at wellbe are sharing our insights and thoughts on how to raise strong girls! As a community rooting for girls, women and diversity within the spectrum of gender, we feel strongly about advocating and supporting the rise of a culture that is whole heartedly empowered.
As you may know, wellbe is founded by two incredibly strong women. Both Sarina & Dr. Aliya embody ambition, resilience, empathy and have a mindset that propels our team to learn, connect, and truly develop into our best selves as professionals and as humans!
Now, here’s the juicy part. wellbe’s team members were asked about their ideas and what EXACTLY they are doing in real life to raise strong girls! Our team weighed in, inclusive of parents, non-parents, and parents of children with diverse gender identities. Here’s the scoop... (or as our teenage girls would say, “The tea!”):
1. Language
What we say and how we say it matters.
Michael, our RMT shares “I always try to comment on how courageous, kind, tenacious, and thoughtful children are rather than saying how beautiful they are or that they are "good little girls." They'll look for validation in the areas we highlight as they grow up. I want a world where girls are encouraged to speak up, stand out and be powerful.”
Pediatric Developmental Consultant, Marie, agrees, she says “I really don’t like the term princess! Or pretty. No - you’re smart, brave, resilient and above all - kind!” Marie also shares the importance of words, and how we use them: “words matter - ensuring that she understands the difference between when she is information sharing for a good reason and gossiping.” Another tip she shares is in using positive affirmative statements such as “I can, I will, and I am”.
Naturopathic Doctor, Dr. Janice knows just how effective this can be. “I grew up with the motto "girls can do anything", and coming from an all girls high school, I really don't know any other way to be as a parent, a mom and a business clinician.”
2. Debunking gender roles with experiences and exposure
Let’s be real. Chores, caregiving behaviours, playing sports, and earning money are all human behaviours. These behaviours are not gender exclusive.
Shelia, our RMT, reflects on her experience growing up with her father. “He taught me to be an independent person. He showed me how to work hard, to not give up on my ambitions and to shoot for the moon. His positive influence gave me the courage to change professions while raising a young family. I would like to show my daughter the same values so that she can be empowered to make positive changes in her life.”
Dr. Mallory, our Naturopathic Doctor, shares a similar experience growing up, and encourages parents to have their girls exposed to all types of activities. “Get your girls involved in everything that BOTH parents are doing. My parents involved us in grocery shopping, cooking, baking, but also going to sporting events, building things, cutting the lawn and yard work. It made both my sister and I feel confident and handy in anything we do.”
3. Emotions & Validation
Recognizing and naming the emotions our children experience is the first step to validation.
When we validate emotions on an authentic level we crack into the depth of a person’s sense of self and offer them the experience to truly be seen (woah!). This plants a seed of confidence in girls and is the foundation to what Chiropractor and Co-Founder, Dr. Aliya describes how she wants her own daughter to feel: “strong and inspired”. Aliya goes on to add that, “being assertive and asking for what she wants is not mean, but necessary...these early years are a time to nurture her self-confidence and help her embrace imperfection”.
Social Worker and Psychotherapist, Lisa, also encourages her child to voice their emotional needs and to see that their emotions have value. Her hope is that this will contribute to their effectiveness in relationships, and also contribute to dismantling toxic masculinity, embracing equality, and decreasing the risk of mental illness in adulthood. One of the most important pieces Lisa views as being valuable is simply listening. Listening to what children have to say without our own agenda causing interference.
4. Body
As girls enter into what can feel like a whole new body during puberty, we can simply recognize and acknowledge how much discomfort and insecurity that might bring. From changes in experiences of self, to changes in relationships with others, to “how the heck do I know which product will work for me when I have my period?”
How do we grow confidence during this emotionally vulnerable time? Marie encourages her own daughter to make her own choices where appropriate, and encourages her to know her self worth. This is especially important as we shift to recognizing internal worth (confidence, resilience, and courage) to be of value over physical appearance and body type. Dr. Aliya knows exactly where this is at and adds, “I want to teach her [daughter] that her beauty comes from within and to appreciate all her body can do”. We can teach girls at an early age that their body belongs to them, and how they feel empowered in their skin, from asking their consent to be touched, permission to be present in changing rooms, and how they wish to have their voice be heard (verbal, written, through art etc.).
5. Modelling
Our girls are watching us. Watching how we treat our bodies, how we take care of ourselves on challenging days, and how we treat other women. Being mindful of our implicit messaging, subtle invalidation and reflecting on our own construction and learning of what it means to “be a woman” is all part of the growth here.
Social Worker and Psychotherapist, Caitlin adds, “I am conscious of the way I show up in front of my kids-both my son and my daughter. Kiddos pick up on more than we think they do, and this realization means that while some of the work in raising confident girls comes from awareness around our language, our attention to the diversity of their activities and validating their emotions, the hard part is the work we do on ourselves. Maybe we aren’t so comfortable in our bodies or our relationships; that’s okay. We come from many years of external and implicit messaging that we have internalized. As we start to unlearn some of the harmful messaging we’ve been fed, it’s important to be compassionate towards ourselves. It’s ongoing work; but it is work that is so vital to raising well-adjusted, confident humans.”
Each of these themes: language, gender roles, validating emotions and modelling are important in contributing to the culture and community we live in. Dr. Janice adds that cultivating the community that we surround our children with and nurture those friendships and connections are key in bolstering our girls self confidence. These areas are the foundation to building a society that is inclusive and supportive of all beings, and vital to building up strong young women. Awareness of how we interact, speak, and are attentive to our young girls will have direct implications into how successful our society is.
What is the greatest lesson a woman should learn
That since day one
She’s already had everything she needs within herself
It’s the world that convinced her she did not
- Rupi kaur