Understanding Childhood Anxiety
Childhood anxiety, it’s real. When we take a closer look at anxiety and unpack its origin, including what it can look like in children, we can begin to understand and connect with the emotional experiences of overwhelming fear, sadness, and even anger. These are some of the emotions that our children are attempting to process amongst the feelings of worry and anxiety.
Biological Factors
When we work to understand the origin of anxiety, and grapple with why we might have an “anxious child,” opening up curiosity around biology in the context of temperament and genetics can be helpful. Each person is biologically unique, and from a hormone perspective, this is also true. The nervous systems of our children are naturally informed by our own genes as parents, which might be marked with our individual experiences of anxiety and potentially layered with historical, family, or cultural trauma. Why is this important? Well, it can offer both relief and understanding for parents who might be feeling as though they are the sole reason or cause for their child’s experiences of anxiety.
Environmental Factors
This is the second component to understanding the development and experience of childhood anxiety. When children with biological predispositions to anxiety experience significantly challenging events (for example, the loss of a loved one) it can naturally inflame feelings of intense worry and anxiety. Life experiences for children who may not have biological markers for anxiety can still struggle with anxiety. For example, if a child really values school, puts in a lot of effort, and is bullied by their peers, they may experience some anxiety around school. The environment, including the relationships children have within these environments, can have a significant impact on a child’s mood and their sense of safety.
Signs your child is feeling anxious or struggling with anxiety
Excessive fear or worry
Children have the most amazing imaginations. This can enhance the experience of anxiety, as some children can easily think up worst-case scenarios and deeply worry about it happening. It’s important to validate the emotional experience and not judge or minimize it. Read ‘Anxiety and the Gift of Imagination” by Robin Alter, PhD.
Panic or anxious thoughts
This might sound like our children focusing on one particularly challenging experience on repeat. In adults, we can experience this similarly; for example, when we create stories about worst-case scenarios happening.
Irritability
Feeling irritable can be a natural outcome of tiredness that stems from the amount of energy that anxiety pulls out of us. Slow it down.
Both emotions are attempts to communicate and understand just how challenging the experience is. Feeling anxious does not feel good, and that would make any child feel sad. It might also cause them to feel angry. Anxiety can be especially challenging for children to get a hold of. Oftentimes, children don’t particularly like what anxiety does to them; their experience of not feeling in control of themselves or their bodies can definitely initiate anger.
Somatic Symptoms
Childhood anxiety is often an experience felt in their bodies. For example, children might experience stomachaches, headaches, difficulty sleeping, increase or decrease in urination or bowel movements, appetite changes, etc.
Experiencing panic attacks in childhood: this can look and feel like extreme difficulty breathing, pain in the chest/heart area, running away, or shutting down.
Difficulty performing daily tasks
As mentioned, anxiety requires a lot of our physical and emotional energy. When children are drained from feelings of anxiousness it can be extremely challenging to get their typical things done or to recall simple things like where they put their backpack, a lesson in class, or the order of tasks.
Avoidance of stressful situations (like school, sports, and parties)
This is where we see 3 survival options play out: Fight, Flight, or Freeze. When “danger” is perceived, like an anticipated stressful experience, we might see attempts to avoid the situation, to fight against the situation (negotiating, refusal, or aggression), or to withdraw.
What can I do as a parent?
Listen: We always first and foremost want to listen and validate the emotional experience of our children. This offers safety and connection which is a primary need for the brain during a time of arousal and stress. Be present with your child’s emotional experience of sadness, anger, disappointment or irritability.
Connect: “Your feelings of sadness and fear make so much sense.” Validate their experience. Understand it and connect with it.
Sit with it: This is where our own mindfulness skills and self-awareness as parents is essential. Am I pushing this or do I want to resolve this quickly because seeing and experiencing this distress with my child is too overwhelming? Or maybe this sounds familiar: “I don’t have time for this right now.” Sit with it. Ride the wave and model for your child that overcoming difficult emotions is possible. Over time, when parents and children do this together initially, it can build a child's self-regulation skills.
Move forward: Involve your child in the solution moving forward. You might need to point out the goal (ie. attending school). Co-create a plan where soothing strategies can be used in times of high stress and anxiety. Get to know these times. When do they happen? What leads up to them?
Get support: If you’re feeling as though you and or your child might benefit from support for the anxiety it can be helpful to connect with professionals that can help, including social workers, psychotherapists, child & youth care practitioners, teachers, and even your family physician. Each child's experience of anxiety and feelings of anxiousness can differ, and it’s important to take an approach that aligns with their temperament, interests, and strengths as well.