Your Ultimate Summer Survival Guide with Kiddos
The countdown is finally over - summer vacation is here.
As parents, it’s normal to feel a mix of excitement and anxiety in anticipation of the summer holiday. The transition from school to vacation mode can be hard on kids {and adults too!}. Without the structure and dependability of school, kids are much more likely to experience dysregulation {AKA tantrums}. Unstructured time, new and unfamiliar environments, and time away from home can all be factored in understanding the infamous vacay tantrums.
As parents, these tantrums can be frustrating and oftentimes, confusing. We often think to ourselves;
“You’ve been counting down the days for school to end! We’re doing something fun! We’re doing something you asked us to do! Why so many tears?”
The truth is ‘fun’ is not the issue at hand.
Whether you’re in line for a roller coaster at Wonderland, on the dock at a cottage or waiting for a mouth-watering ice cream cone… Kids will have tantrums and there’s no way around it.
We’re here to offer you some proactive and reactive strategies to alleviate the stress of tantrums and get you back to enjoying your holiday with the kiddos as efficiently and painlessly as possible - it can be done, trust us.
Proactive Strategies:
Tip #1: Plan Ahead
Provide your kids with as much information as possible as you prepare for your summer holiday. Many kids face anxiety because of newness - by discussing the ins and outs of the trip before you leave, you can ease some of their uncertainties.
You might show them pictures of what the accommodations will look like. You could also talk about some of the anticipated challenges of the trip. For example, if your child is used to having their own room, it would be helpful to prepare your kids for some of the challenges they might face when sharing a room during the vacation. Try saying to your kids, “This might be hard and it will be temporary. What can we do to help in the meantime?”
The Solution:
Bring a book, a device, a stuffed animal, some colouring, and/or headphones so kids can feel soothed by the familiarity and comfort of their favourite things in the face of a new environment.
Tip #2: Leave Them Wanting More
We all get caught up in the buzz and excitement of being on vacation. This is especially the case on a shorter holiday, such as a day trip or a long weekend. Naturally, we often pack our schedules very tightly and set unrealistic expectations of our little ones. This leads to families over-extending themselves, weighed down by the pressure of having the ‘perfect weekend’.
The Solution:
To avoid some of these challenges, plan for fewer activities during the day. Leave ‘wiggle room” for unexpected and uncontrollable situations such as stormy weather, tummy aches and sore throats, and traffic that never seems to end. Build in downtime and breaks throughout the day; having ‘nothing to do’ is much more pleasant than feeling overbooked and overwhelmed. It’s often during those quieter times where the best family bonding happens anyway!
Tip #3: Maintain Consistencies
Change is always hard. No matter how old you are, we can all relate to feeling unsettled in a new environment. Remember that change is hard even when the change is good!
The Solution:
Maintaining some of the rules and structure from home can help your kids feel grounded during a vacation. For example, maintaining a consistent bedtime and wake-up time can help kids feel regulated during the trip. Even if this means being back in the hotel room by 8:00 pm, it’s worth it to avoid that “so-tired-I’m-hyper” feeling that kids experience when their sleep routine is interrupted.
Packing some of the kids’ favourite snacks can help provide some predictability and comfort during a trip. If kids are allowed a certain amount of screen time at home (30 mins/day for example), try to honour that during holiday time as well. The power of routine cannot be underestimated.
Reactive Strategies:
No matter how much time we spend preparing, at the end of the day, tantrums are simply inevitable…and that’s okay! It’s normal and healthy for kids to express themselves in this way. Tantrums can be a sign that kids feel safe and can trust you with their big feelings. That’s a big responsibility, and we know you’re up to the challenge! Here are some ways you can respond to your kiddo’s tantrums that will keep tears to a minimum!
So, when tantrums inevitably arise…
Tip #1: Normalize the Experience
When managing tantrums on vacation, begin by normalizing your child’s experience. Validate the emotions they are feeling. Present them with realistic options for how to move forward from the situation. It can help to act as if you have all the time in the world (even if that’s not necessarily the case)- your patience and calmness will speed up the process.
“I know this has been a very long day…”
“It makes sense that you’re overwhelmed…”
“We don’t usually do things like this…”
“Here are our options; we can stay outside and colour or we can go inside and read.”
“What can we do to make things feel just a little bit better for you?”
“You can do this for as long as you need to. I’m not in a rush.”
Tip #2: Tolerate the Distress
When kids are experiencing dysregulation, know that they are just as overwhelmed by their behaviour as you are. All behaviours are a form of communicating a need. Whether that’s some quiet time indoors, water and a snack, or validation from you that their emotions are justified. Teach your kids that you aren’t afraid of their emotions by staying calm. It shows kids that their emotions, as uncomfortable as they are, are not a threat to their relationship with you.
Tip #3: De-escalate the Situation
If your child is having a tantrum in a public place on vacation, such as a hotel lobby, by the pool, or in line for a rollercoaster, this is not the time to discipline them. Your goal is de-escalation. Turn down the temperature of their anger and let them cool off. As a parent, it is okay to leave problems unsolved. In fact, it will serve you and your child better to wait for a neutral time to discuss their behaviour. This will allow both you and your child to speak to each other from a calmer and more rational perspective.
Try to avoid using shame as a tactic when unwanted behaviours arise on vacations.
The price of a vacation is irrelevant to a child while they are tantruming. They will not understand why it is wrong for them to have a tantrum in an expensive restaurant. Their only concern is that the colour of their grilled cheese is too yellow and they wanted it to be more orange. Using shame will not regulate their emotions and will ultimately make their tantrum last longer. Save conversations about expenses for a time when kids are calm and open to learning.
Parents - flexibility is your superpower. It’s not about avoiding bumps in the road- it’s about showing our kids that we can bounce back from them. Life isn’t perfect- how boring would that be anyway? Being flexible means letting go of what a vacation should be. That way, we give ourselves room to enjoy all the wonderful (and sometimes messy) realness of being with our loved ones.
Stay grounded and practice perspective-taking. Find gratitude in the little things. We wish you a summer vacation full of joy, laughter, and minimal crankiness!
This post was written by wellbe’s social worker Emily Blum. If you or your children are in need of support, you can book an in-person or virtual visit with our social workers here.