Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month: How to Cope
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, honouring and supporting the 1 in 4 women and their families who are mourning the loss of a pregnancy or the death of an infant.
Death is never easy and the death of an infant, in pregnancy or during infancy, is no exception. Figuring out ways to cope as you grieve can be hard but are essential to the healing process. Some, if not most, parents will say you never fully heal after such a loss, and finding ways to cope was helpful in making it through the day.
Tips for Coping after the Loss of a Pregnancy or Infant:
Be kind to yourself. Guilt is often associated with this kind of loss. Sometimes people will feel like something they did caused this. It can be easy to blame yourself but try to remember that In most cases, there is nothing that could be done to prevent it from happening.
Practice self-care. Self-care is helpful in finding small ways to feel good again. Some examples of self-care can be: taking a bubble bath with calming essential oils, going for a walk or exercising, guided meditations, reading or journaling, comfort food, or spending time with loved ones. Finding ways to help you feel good again, even momentarily, will be helpful for your healing process.
Give yourself time to process the loss. And remember, there is no time limit. Take time off work, delegate responsibilities to others, and do what you need to do to give yourself time to process and grieve. Take it one day at a time.
Rely on your support system. Grief can be felt in many ways and it can feel different from day-to-day. It can make everyday tasks especially difficult, like eating, sleeping, and basic daily routines. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Talk to the people in your life about ways they can support you during this difficult time.
How to Support Someone Through Pregnancy or Infant Loss:
If you are someone’s support system it can be difficult to find the right things to say. It is important to remember to communicate and listen with compassion.
Here are a few ways to help support an individual suffering a loss:
Instead of saying “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least you can get pregnant” - Try saying “I’m so sorry, I can imagine this is very sad for you”.
If you don’t know what to say, tell them that “You don’t know what to say”. The honesty that this cannot be easily fixed can be validating and shows you respect their emotions.
Everyone grieves differently, so follow their lead and accept their grief process. You may want to ask questions like “How can I help you?” or “What can I do for you?”. You may find your biggest job is to just be present. Try to hold space without expectation or judgment, and be a listening ear.
Acknowledge the baby. Saying the baby’s name, offering a memorial keepsake, or remembering important dates like the baby’s due date or birthday, mother’s day/father’s day, can provide support by acknowledging their loss, especially as parents.
Give them time. There is no timeline for grief. Remember to reach out and be present months or even years after. Parents are required to create a “new normal” for themselves, which can take longer than you might realize. Call, check in, offer to cook a meal, however you want to show you are still thinking of them. Parents will learn to find hope and joy again, but it will take time.
As the month comes to an end, whether you are grieving or supporting a loved one, try to remember: a warm hug goes a long way.
This post was written by wellbe’s social worker + psychotherapist Rachel Jessome. If you and/or your partner are in need of additional resources or assistance, you can book a visit with our social workers here.