When Hormones COLLIDE: Puberty, meet Perimenopause
When my daughter turned 10 last year, I thought “Phew!” We’re out of the stage of tantrums, early wake-ups, midnight bed sneak-ins, and basic irrational behaviour that has you scratching your head and wondering what-the-ever-loving-heck is up with her brain.
I thought “finally, finally now she’s calm, rational and although a little sneaky and quite terrifying with her manipulative attempts to get what she wants - everything will be okay”.
Enter pre-pubescent hormones.
And as if that wasn’t enough ... .combine that with my own irrational anxiety, mood swings, rage, insomnia, tantrums, early wake ups, and just overall sense of what-the-actual-eff…and just like that perimenopause has entered the chat.
Yep.
Just as I’m beginning to navigate the rocky waters of perimenopause, my 10-year-old daughter is setting sail on her own hormonal journey. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to have two emotional roller coasters colliding in the same house, let me paint you a picture! (lord have mercy on my poor husband and son)
The Double Whammy
First, let’s talk about me. I’m in my early 40s, and perimenopause has hit me like a freight train. One minute I’m fine, and the next I’m crying because I saw a cute puppy video online.
The hot flashes are one thing….but the insomnia, the mood swings, the brain fog—I've got the whole package. It’s like being a teenager all over again, except now I have to worry about mortgage payments and PTA meetings.
Meanwhile, my {sweet} little girl is growing up faster than I can keep up with. She’s starting to experience her own hormonal changes. One minute she’s into her hockey cards and playing outside with her bro and the next she’s slamming doors and rolling her eyes at me. It’s as if we’re both stuck in a hormonal hurricane, each riding our own wave of emotional chaos.
The Clash of the Hormones
I never realized how challenging it would be to deal with two sets of hormones in one house. There are days when it feels like we’re on an emotional seesaw. When I’m having a good day, she’s in the middle of a meltdown. When she’s in a great mood, I’m ready to curl up with a heating pad and cry. Our emotional states are rarely in sync, and it can be exhausting.
Coping (aka Survival) Strategies and Tools
So how do we cope with this double dose of hormonal havoc?
Yah, I have no idea.
BUT in the interest of helping other mamas out there I’ve tried to figure out what works best for us and maybe - just maybe - this might help someone else going through the same thing.
Here are a few tools and strategies that have helped us stay (relatively) sane:
Humour is key:
When things get too intense, we try to find the humour in the situation. Laughter truly is the best medicine. We’ve started a “Hormone Jar” where we put a dollar every time one of us blames our mood on hormones. It’s becoming our pizza night fund!
Open Communication:
I’ve found that talking openly about what we’re both experiencing helps. I explain to her that mommy’s hormones are a little wild right now, just like hers. We’ve even started reading books together about puberty and perimenopause. Knowledge is power, after all.
Mindfulness:
We’ve incorporated some chill and mindfulness practices into our routine. Movement is actually my fave way of finding my chill - so I’ve started going on walks every day with my kiddo - it actually helps us both take a second in the busy day of chaos and it’s QT we get to spend together.
Quality Time:
Speaking of QT, making time for fun activities that we both enjoy has been a lifesaver.
She needs to see the side of me that’s chill, fun and less rage-ful.
Whether it’s baking cookies or having a movie night, these moments remind us that we’re in this together and we can still have fun.
Support from Others:
I’m not afraid to seek professional help when needed. Let’s be honest, we’re all on our own therapeutic journey.
Whether it’s talking to a therapist for myself or finding a helpful mental health practitioner for my daughter, having an external perspective can be incredibly beneficial.
Self Love:
Prioritizing self-love is crucial. For me, this means taking time to exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep. For my daughter, it means making sure she has plenty of time to play, relax, and just be a kid.
Embracing the Journey
Navigating perimenopause while parenting a preteen isn’t easy, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and connection. We’re learning to support each other, understand our emotions, and embrace this crazy, beautiful (straight from hell) journey together. There are still plenty of tears, tantrums, and eye-rolls - from BOTH of us, but sprinkled in is also a lot of love, laughter, and bonding.
So, to all the moms out there who are riding this hormonal roller coaster alongside their kids, I see you. Buckle up, we’re in this together.
This blog post was written by wellbe co-owner, Registered Acupuncturist + Chiropractor Dr Aliya Visram.